Tuesday, December 8, 2009

How 'Scroogenomics' Is Helping to Save My Christmas

I recently heard a clip on NPR, referencing a new book by Wharton economist Joel Waldfogel entitled Scroogenomics: Why You Shouldn’t Buy Gifts for the Holidays (Princeton University Press). In the book, Waldfogel makes the claim that every year, billions of dollars are wasted in the holiday shopping season, because gift-givers cannot perfectly predict the needs or wants of the gift recipients in their lives, resulting in Christmas mornings all around the country during which millions of people open presents that they never really wanted to begin with. “If you discovered a government program that was hemorrhaging money—say, spending $100 billion of taxpayer money per year to generate a benefit of only $85 billion—you would be outraged,” Waldfogel writes.

The more I think about the premise of this book, the more convicted I feel about my own Christmas spending habits. Sure, it may be true that the dollars I spend help to boost a sagging economy, but is potentially wasteful spending really the best use of our family's funds? I confess that as the mother of three young boys, I enjoy thinking about ways to brighten Christmas morning with gifts that they will find memorable and enjoyable; I tend to keep a file all year of ideas for presents that they might like, things a little out of the ordinary or that cost a little more. But to be honest, even I, the keeper of all relevant information with regards to my sons’ likes, dislikes, and preferences, am hit-or-miss when it comes to their gift selections.

The Sesame Street DVD that I was certain my three-year-old son would adore last year? He’s watched it once. The car design drawing set that I was positive my auto-obsessed eldest son would spend hours using? He’s pulled it out twice in one year. The toy guitar I bought for our music-loving youngest son? He much prefers the real piano we already have. I'm sobered to realize that, shipping and tax included, that's $75 of waste right there—and that's in the context of selecting gifts for people I know best. Imagine how much more potential for waste there is for recipients I don’t know nearly as well. Multiply that experience millions of times over, and you get the idea that Waldfogel is on to something.

What if every individual or family with the means and inclination took a moment this Christmas season to think about whether the money they are using is truly being well-spent? What if we all took a portion of the money we typically spend on gifts and instead allocate it to a cause that would make a concrete difference in the many global needs that surround us? I don’t mean to dampen people’s Christmases and throw gift-giving out the window entirely. For many people, gift-giving is a way of communicating and receiving love from their family and friends, and I have certainly appreciated many gifts that I have been given over the years. But for every good gift I’ve received, I can think of another three or four that I have either never used or don’t need. And I am sure the reverse is true, too, that I have given many gifts that have ultimately ended up in a trash dump somewhere. So this year, I’m thinking about ways in which our family can reduce the shopping waste, create a climate around Christmas that is less about the gifts and more about the Giver, and help inculcate in our children a perspective about Christmas that frees them from ongoing cycles of holiday consumerism.

My kids are now old enough to have expectations about Christmas, and despite our reminders otherwise, most of those expectations have nothing to do with celebrating Jesus’ birth (although they are clever enough to answer the “Why is Christmas important?” question in a way that would make any Sunday school teacher proud, even as visions of presents dance in their heads.) Just today, my seven-year-old son said to me, “I think you have Christmas presents already hidden all over this house. Lots of them!” This expectation is, of course, entirely my own fault. I love watching my kids' gleeful faces when they emerge from their rooms on Christmas morning, stunned at the sight of a tree under which presents have mushroomed overnight. What parent doesn't enjoy gift-induced moments of our children's gratitude, even as we know the joy they're experiencing is fleeting at best? What parent can successfully counter the false gospel that material possessions are a source of contentment if we ourselves are perpetuating that fallacy with our lifestyle choices, particularly at Christmastime?

So I shared with my son that actually, I’d like for us to handle Christmas differently this year, and think about giving more of our previous Christmas spending to those who desperately need it, as well as taking more time to understand what Advent is all about. I explained that as his parent, I definitely wanted the chance to give him something special just as God gave his children the best present of all that first Christmas, but that we would tone things down from this year onward and have a different perspective about gift-giving at Christmastime. I felt a bit Scrooge-ish saying this, and I admit that I was worried that this news would deeply disappoint him, but after taking a moment to ponder my words, he answered, “I totally agree with this plan!" (Children, I've come to learn, often embrace spiritual truths so much more quickly than those of us who are supposed to be older and wiser.)

So we are beginning the process of change in our household this Christmas, small changes but hopefully in the long run, significant ones: we’re letting friends and family know that we’ll be giving a gift to One Day’s Wages in their name as opposed to buying them a gift and asking that they consider doing something similar; my husband and I have agreed to not give each other gifts, but to instead jointly choose something we both need and can use; we will spend time shopping for gifts together as a family for needy children in our area, and yes, we will get some gifts for our own kids as well, but I’ll stick to a plan of fewer and more meaningful gifts. My hope is that over time, our family and especially our kids will think of Christmas as the time of year when we primarily strive to make a difference in others’ lives rather than benefiting our own. Who would have thought that a little dose of Scrooge was just what I needed to reclaim the true meaning of Christmas?

Monday, November 23, 2009

Welcome to Missional Moms! And....Overparenting?

Welcome to the first installment of the Missional Moms blog. I've started this blog in conjunction with the book I'm writing that encourages today's Christian mothers to take a missional perspective in their approach and outlook on life. What does this mean and what does it look like?

In recent years the word missional has become popular in describing churches that encourage everyone in their congregation to have an outreach-oriented perspective rather than an inward-focused one. In other words, missionaries are not the only ones who should be thinking about ways to spread the gospel, love others, and make disciples of all nations. Instead, each and every Christian is to embrace the responsibility to be faithful to the Great Commandments and the Great Commission. The missional mindset is one that continually asks, “Lord, where and how would you have me serve you? How are you calling me to have an impact for your Kingdom today? How can I encourage my family to do the same?” Missional Moms (both the book and this blog) will seek to tell stories of and encourage women who are living in this manner. If you are a missional mom or know a missional mom, please get in touch with me! I'd love to hear and tell your stories.

The other day, I saw this article in Time Magazine about parents who overparent, otherwise known as "helicopter parents" for hovering over their children all the time. The article describes the growing backlash against this type of parenting: "There is now a new revolution under way, one aimed at rolling back the almost comical overprotectiveness and overinvestment of moms and dads."

I am not an extreme overparenter, but I do think my behavior with my own kids probably seems to qualify. I'm the parent who has a hard time leaving my crying child behind in the nursery, who often sacrifices entire Saturdays shuttling her sons to music lessons and related activities 45 minutes away because, well, that's where we found the best teachers and because our boys seem to exhibit a certain amount of proficiency in their instruments. I'm the mom who wants her kids to learn Mandarin even though we aren't Chinese-American. And then this year, I started homeschooling our two eldest sons, 7 and 4 years old. Sounds like overparenting, right?

In contrast to the mom who overparents as described in the Time article, a missional mom is not one who is obsessed about her children's future and who does everything in their young years to position them for success in school, which is supposed to lead to success in college, which is supposed to lead to that high-paying job and a good life as defined by worldly standards. Instead, a missional mom entrusts the future of her children to God's hands, and while she takes her responsibility to train and guide them seriously, she is not driven by cultural pressures to keep up with other families and kids, but by the desire to do what is pleasing and right in God's eyes.

The interesting development for our family is how our homeschooling experience has actually freed us to think more more missionally about our future. In future posts I'll go into more detail about how this whole concept of being a missional mom is changing me and my family, slowly but surely. But for now, I can say that homeschooling, as opposed to being another piece of the overparenting pie, is allowing us to think critically about what kind of neighborhood we want our kids to be a part of as they grow up, and not to automatically assume the neighborhood with the best schools is the place to be. (Especially for Asian Americans, who tend to flock towards towns with schools that are highly regarded, this type of paradigm shift can be very challenging to make.) As much as I love the city where we live, a fully-resourced community where the average income is in the six-figure range, I sense in my heart of hearts that this may not be the place where God wants us to be long-term.

While I do still fall victim to overparenting at times, I am trying to be open to doing to whatever he would want us to be doing. If I do overparent, at least I want it to be with the right motives--not for the sake of advancing my children's futures, but for the sake of advancing God's mission here on earth through myself and my family. Isn't this what God himself did? He was the ultimate overparenter; He did way more than sacrificing a few hours of time on the weekend for those he called his children. He sent his own son to die on the cross for the rest of us, and if that isn't extreme parenting, I don't know what is. But God is a parent on a mission--and that's exactly what he calls me to be as well. Be missional, as God is missional--a good motivation for any parent and one that ensures that even if you do overparent, it will be for the best cause this side of heaven.